Okay, last week I made a Fried Spam & Egg Sandwich. I used a single pouch slice of Spam I found at the grocery store in the sandwich. Well, this prompted more than one person to comment on facecrack that I wasn’t getting the true Spam experience if it wasn’t out of the infamous Spam can. Check out the comments by clicking here.

This got me thinking, I’ve never had ham out of a can either, so I thought we’d do a little comparison this week and have a no-holds barred grudge match of Canned Spam versus Canned Ham.

Let’s get cooking!

The ingredients are pretty simple for this canned meat battle, from the left: Bob Evans Six Cheese Pasta, Hickory Smoked Ham in a can, a can of Spam and French’s Classic Yellow Mustard.

Alright, the canned ham won the coin toss, so it’s going to be served first!

Let this meaty battle begin!

The picture of the sliced ham is really making my stomach turn. The ham looks dicey and what the fuck is that on top of it? It looks like rancid placenta!

I’m a little reluctant to start this, but I guess there’s no turning back now!

I opened it up and this isn’t pretty folks!

It’s a strange shade of pink and it’s covered in shiny gelatin. It looks like Porky Pig if Porky Pig’s mom decided to abort him.

And check out the weird juice left behind! It’s like Porky Pig’s abortion pissed itself.

This is one of the more frightening things I’ve ever seen!

I cut off a slice and check out the weird pink marbling the meat has. It truly defines, “mystery meat.”

I’m cooking it in a buttered, pre-heated pan and I’m not adding any seasoning at all. The meat will stand or fall on it’s on merit.

There it is all cooked and plated. it’s really greasy looking and as much as I dread this, let’s cut off a piece and try it out.

I am using French’s Classic Yellow Mustard as a condiment and that’s the only saving grace to this bite of ham.

It’s greasy and the meat has a weird spongey consistency and a strange and horrible taste that’s hard to describe.

I guess the best description would be that it tastes like an aborted Porky Pig that’s been marinated in his own piss.

Excuse me, I think I’m going to be sick now.

I decided to have a palate cleanser between the two canned meats and I’m so glad I did this. It’ll be a nice and tasty break from this mystery meat challenge.

I love this Bob Evans Six Cheese Pasta, it’s reach, cheesy and a creamy delight after that horrific slice of ham.

And now it’s time to sample the canned Spam. I don’t have a very good feeling about this at all!

They feature a Spam sandwich on the front of the can which kind of looks like a fish sandwich.

Which I guess is appropriate, because I have a feeling we’re just about to see some fishy meat!

Against my better wishes, let’s keep moving along here.

Holy fucking shitballs! This is even more disgusting looking than the ham!

It’s pink and covered in gelatin and looks like a wall of fake meat. Hey Mexico, you want to pay for this shit?

The only saving grace is that there’s not a puddle of piss at the bottom of the can!

I cut a slice off and it doesn’t even resemble meat.

Once again I’m frying it in a buttered, pre-heated pan with no seasonings.

This is frightening looking and really greasy.

I dipped it in the mustard and the first thing that hit me was the saltiness of it. This is the saltiest thing I’ve ever put in my mouth and like the ham it had a weird mushy consistency to it. It had a strange bitter after-taste and it was truly horrible.

So, who wins in a taste battle where both of them brought me to edge of pukeness?

Let’s find out!