So far it’s been a bit of a bland ride eating the Panda Express menu, so I hope things liven up this week as we start sampling the Entrees menu.
We’re starting off with the Original Orange Chicken and the Firecracker Chicken Breast entrees.
Okay, this was the biggest fucking shitshow I’ve ever had at a drive-through and if you follow this blog, you know I’ve been through a lot of drive-through windows in my travels.
For starters, I could hardly hear her. Yeah, I’m half deaf, so it’s partially my fault, but this woman sounded like that fucked up character from Fat Albert.
I ordered the two entrees but then she mumbled something about teriyaki and I told her I wanted the Original Orange Chicken and then she asked about a side dish, so I asked for an egg roll and she mumbled that an egg roll is an entree. Well, an egg roll is not an entree, it’s a fucking appetizer which should qualify for a side but I didn’t feel like arguing so I ordered fried rice.
She replied with: “Uahndarjdhf foogofoheu rp tvn twas sifoe aherh,” which I guessed meant, “Pull up to the drive-through window.”
Who the fuck even knows at this point? My fucking head is spinning.
Sheesh!
So I pulled up and there was just one entree in the bag. Fuck, who knows what we got but I wasn’t in any mood to push it any further. I decided to take whatever we got and get as far away from this mumbling motherfucking drive-through worker as possible.
Oh, the light was finally green at this stupid intersection so there’s that. A small victory but I’ll take it after that tortuous drive-through experience.
We’re back at the MBIP World Headquarters and Kitchen and Tasting Area. Let’s look at the receipt, maybe that will give us some sort of clue as to what we got from the mumbling take-out window woman.
We got the Firecracker Chicken, but we got it with orange chicken instead of getting the entree of Original Orange Chicken. I guess that happened in the teriyaki part of the mumbling menu moment.
Plus I asked for extra hot mustard and soy sauce and we didn’t get any.
Fuck.
Well, at least we hit the green light, but I still wish I was dead…fuck it, let’s just keep moving along here folks.
Fuck!
The entrees come boxed in styrofoam containers. This is Panda Express ruining the environment one entree at a time! Thanks so much Panda Express!
Here’s the Firecracker Chicken Breast with a side of Fried Rice.
It really fucking bugs me how a couple pieces of chicken are placed on the far end of the container. These didn’t shift while traveling, some asshole purposely put them there and I wish this person a slow and very painful and horrific death.
Fuck!
First Bites
Firecracker Chicken Breast: This wasn’t quite as bland as the other shit I’ve gotten from this place, but after experiencing the pain of the drive-through, the mixed up order and the shitty placement of chicken I just don’t give a fuck anymore.
You’ve worn me down, Panda Express.
Fuck.
——
Panda Rating (One To Four, Four The Best, One The Worst
Half a panda: It wasn’t that bad, but they lost points for that fucked up drive-through mushmouth shit, fucking the order up and the misplacement of chicken.
Fuck!
Oh well, at least the light was green.
What the fuck? This isn’t a fortune at all, it’s just some passive-aggressive bullshit blither-blather.
I never thought I’d miss McDonald’s or Arby’s, but you’re pushing me Panda Express! You’re pushing me.
Fuck.
——
And Now, Your Weekly Moment Of Panda!
Related Posts: MBIP Eats Panda Express: Fried Rice & Super Greens, Chow Mein & Steamed White Rice and Cream Cheese Rangoon, Chicken Egg Roll & Vegetable Spring Roll.